You are currently browsing the archives for the Chaotic Music category.

26 July 2007

Cataclism and Stress

My dear mortals your Queen has had a few issues of cataclism to deal with – to wit: the Domicile flooded, contaminated water and for a while there no water.

Many people are suffering the same if not more and the first time me and the King managed to get the radio and find out some morsal of news as to what was happening – it was to hear the tragidy of the first fatalities. We were both highly saddedened as it was premature twins whos mother had gone into labour whilst being stranded by the flood and possibly a missing teenager who had been out clubbing.

We realise how lucky we are and can not bare to dwell on the misery of those families, that could so easily have been people we know and care about but in this instance just thanks to luck weren’t.

In the mean time there have been riots over water and the Bowsers are either non-existant or empty – the poor crews not being able to get to them quickly enough or not being able to find where they are ment to go.

The Lady was evacuated by us to relatives and I have managed to eat little due to that whole thing of projectile vomit that assailed us due to the Ancestor ‘looking’ after the Lady – She was I know being kindly but I went over to check to find her and other Ancients from the village allowing my baby to play in the FUCKING flood water, the filthy disgusting flood water – without even her little wellies on.

Hence – illness and mine and the Kings heart breaking decission to be seperated from our child for more time than we could have invisioned since her birth.

Bizarlly however, I have delt with this great uphevial in olur lives alot better than say having one appiance break on me – strangeness in the extreme.

I has been horrible though – I had just finished setting out the downstiars, putting all our trinkets in exact place and now – bam! We have WIPE OUT and a lot of damage and plaster that will take months to dry and will probably have to just be striped etc…

I am trying to just cope with little bits at a time – to propelle ourselves forward a bit at a time – least the world cave in on me once more.

3 July 2007

Angsty Poetry

I have been wondering looking back in old diaries why it was that though I have been self harming since a stupidly young age that there are periods of greater destrustion that doesn’t seem emensly linked to how stressed or low I am feeling.

As a teeneger I was writing poems continuosly, a couple a day and lots of whiny diary entries but then my mother tried to get hold of it to read and that release of emotional prressure was suddenly blocked and so the self harm frequency begain to rise. The same happened with a room mate at University and the invasion of my personal space, all be it creative, was intolerable and so I stopped writing and drawing – especially as the demands of my course rose to consume all energy and effort.

I begain to look back on what I’d written and see it as pathetic teenage angst, dark and brooding and depressing and descided that it wasn’t for me. My mother had found some of the poems and just refered to them as too depressing rubbish and so I thought they were no good.

But the poems are good – they probably are bad poems and depressing and whiny and dark broody gothic; but as I write them once more I find the process almost akin to self harm, I can express the pain, the longing, the confusion – there on a page or screen and it is suddenly real. I can shift things around, make it better or delete it and this is like seeing the pain made physical in my self infliction.

Therefore the sensible course of action I feel has been to write the angsty poetry and though I think of it as so much bildge rot, it is expression and I don’t particually care how good it is – besides if I keep going I’m bound to find I’ve writen something worth while – well maybe.

28 April 2007

Darlek Flowers

The King awakens and tells me of a dream he has conceived whilst in the Land of Slumber.

He was out delivering letters with Dr Who – ooo say I, which one? getting a bit hot under the collar about him and the current dish of a dr but alas no it was Sylvester McCoy (not that he was not a good Dr, he is in fact one of my favorites but definatly not in a fancible way(sorry Sylvester)).

They arrive at a house and whilst in deilvering the letters Darleks come and vandalise the cute little car – you know the one – if you do not then dear Mortals you need to go and watch some more Dr Who!

Then the Woman of the house they had just been in, came out and ranted at them saying the Kings friend had doodled all over their prize table cloths. That’s strange they think and go to investigate – sure enough it is covered in weired equations.

‘Ah,’ says the Dr, ‘it is the solution to fixing the car – I must have been working on it subconcoiusly!’ They fix the car but then the people in the house come out annoyed again as the Dr has planted some strange flowers in their garden – again they go to investigate.

Sure enough there in the middle of these peoples lawn there is an intracate display of these strange alien flowers and a slight sickly sweet smell in the air. This seems eminatly suspicious to the King who tells the people, ‘I would not smell those flowers if I were you.’

Of course this is exactly what the husband does resulting in him turning into a blood thirsty killer zombi – the Darleks have been planting these flowers as an attack on the Earth.

The King and the Dr rescue the woman and escape to the Tardis.

I personally think this would make a very good Dr who espisode, maybe though it should be the new Dr and maybe there should be some other smelly thing that makes every one kiss each other? Then he and the King could have some full on tongue action! Yeah I know silly idea Vampyra.

23 April 2007

Equality

‘I am not a house wife!’ I cry in indignation.

‘Keep kidding yourself,’ Motobike Girl says.

I glare.

‘Look I like doing certian things like extravagant cooking sure but I am not a housewife, homesteader, mother yes – housewife no.’

‘I dont know why your so upset I want to be at home being a housewife.’

‘Well I dont I am broared stiff ok.’

But you are making all those preserves and wine and things and you have the Lady! How can you be bored?’

‘Becuase I am ok – I am making all those things becuase I am bored. I can’t stand normal cooking for a start – sure I can do a four course meal for 12, cater for 60 people, no problem but breakfast lunch and dinner? I am sooooo sick of it I can’t even begin to tell you.’

I have a brian and I want to use it, and beleive it or not the Lady sleeps and then I can’t even read things too her or show her how to colour and yes I love that stuff but I need more.’

‘Why? I want to have a man ask my fathers permission, marry him and have kids and stay at home.’

‘Thats great people should be able to choose… ASK HIS PERMISSION?’

‘Yep, didn’t the King?’

‘No of course not! The only person whos permission he needed for marrying me was mine! Plus I had the golden rule that if anyone dare ask my Dad for permission before asking me would be shown the door very very quickly.’

‘Why?’

‘Becuase this is not the fiftys and I am not a juvinile or prossession that needs looking after thank you very much.’

‘But you got married?’

‘Yes and did you notice that our vows were arranged thus that one is not obedient to the other?’

‘No…’

‘We hyphanated our names and if the King hadn’t had to fight so hard for his name and had still had his mothers he would have taken mine, in fact he would taken mine if I’d insisted but he had such a struggle to get his name back I could not do that to him.’

‘But why do you want to work?’

Sigh, ‘Becuase I love my subject and want a career.’

‘Then why did you have the Lady so soon?’

‘You know why, carreers can wait, your health can’t. Besides the King wants to be at home with the kids.’

‘That would be stupid though wouldn’t it and do actaully you trust him to look after them properlly?’

‘Yes of course! And why would it be stupid? He can work from home on stuff he likes, I can’t. I need labs and big pieces of shiny equipment.’

‘But he can earn more money than you!’

‘Yes but how much money do you actually need? If I can finish my education and stuff then I might actually be able to earn more than him.’

She still doesnt get it though, mean while I have pretty much the opposite conversation with another female friend – about how stupid I’ve been destroying my career and how she’s told her partner he will have to work and not stay at home with the kids as he can earn more than her being male.

I told her to take the system on but she wasn’t having any of it – I do not consider my choice stupid and I would go through all that hell again – even knowing the out come for me. If my health had been even moderatly ok then I would be finishing my Masters course but they didn’t and I am living with the consequences but that does not affect my initial desion to have a family.

Why should I have to choose?

More to the point why to people act like I have two heads when I say that it is the King who wants to be the homemaker – he loves cooking, he loves the house work, he hates the stress of being in the ‘bread winner’. He’s great with kids would make a great house husband – I on the other hand make a pretty poor housewife.

Of course I do not see why either of us should have to give up our careers to have a family – but unfortunatly even with the steady increase of automation in every area of our lives we seem to still need to work longer hours than anyone else in – erm at least Europe!

Domestic arrangements should be between the people in the relationship – if you want to be a housewife fine, if you want a career fine, if you want to be a house husband fine, if you both want careers or both want to be at home – comprimise. Obviously single perants do have a problem as in they have no one to compromise with – their life is hard work – and scary – imagine being ill and a single perant? Not nice not pleasant – so don’t start on them please.

Now for me and the King the ideal would be for both of us to work three days a week – a different three days – this would be perfect but our society is still not lexable enough for this – it is getting there though. the second choice would be me working and him at home – unfortuantly I am ill and he can earn more money than me.

He can earn more money than me mainly becuase he is older than me and was already on the career path when we met – I was/am a student.

Friends telling me they will not allow their partner to stay at hime but expect to be allowed to stay at home annoys me on so many levels. This is not equality – I’m sorry girls but its not.

Having said this I also have female friends who find themselves doing everything, they are expected to work, look after the kids and keep the house tidy – they are in the minority and they are not coping well (well one of them is) – this too is not equality – all they’ve ended up with is another job ontop of the housework and kids.

I want to bash everyones heads together.

« Previous · Next »