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23 April 2007

Equality

‘I am not a house wife!’ I cry in indignation.

‘Keep kidding yourself,’ Motobike Girl says.

I glare.

‘Look I like doing certian things like extravagant cooking sure but I am not a housewife, homesteader, mother yes – housewife no.’

‘I dont know why your so upset I want to be at home being a housewife.’

‘Well I dont I am broared stiff ok.’

But you are making all those preserves and wine and things and you have the Lady! How can you be bored?’

‘Becuase I am ok – I am making all those things becuase I am bored. I can’t stand normal cooking for a start – sure I can do a four course meal for 12, cater for 60 people, no problem but breakfast lunch and dinner? I am sooooo sick of it I can’t even begin to tell you.’

I have a brian and I want to use it, and beleive it or not the Lady sleeps and then I can’t even read things too her or show her how to colour and yes I love that stuff but I need more.’

‘Why? I want to have a man ask my fathers permission, marry him and have kids and stay at home.’

‘Thats great people should be able to choose… ASK HIS PERMISSION?’

‘Yep, didn’t the King?’

‘No of course not! The only person whos permission he needed for marrying me was mine! Plus I had the golden rule that if anyone dare ask my Dad for permission before asking me would be shown the door very very quickly.’

‘Why?’

‘Becuase this is not the fiftys and I am not a juvinile or prossession that needs looking after thank you very much.’

‘But you got married?’

‘Yes and did you notice that our vows were arranged thus that one is not obedient to the other?’

‘No…’

‘We hyphanated our names and if the King hadn’t had to fight so hard for his name and had still had his mothers he would have taken mine, in fact he would taken mine if I’d insisted but he had such a struggle to get his name back I could not do that to him.’

‘But why do you want to work?’

Sigh, ‘Becuase I love my subject and want a career.’

‘Then why did you have the Lady so soon?’

‘You know why, carreers can wait, your health can’t. Besides the King wants to be at home with the kids.’

‘That would be stupid though wouldn’t it and do actaully you trust him to look after them properlly?’

‘Yes of course! And why would it be stupid? He can work from home on stuff he likes, I can’t. I need labs and big pieces of shiny equipment.’

‘But he can earn more money than you!’

‘Yes but how much money do you actually need? If I can finish my education and stuff then I might actually be able to earn more than him.’

She still doesnt get it though, mean while I have pretty much the opposite conversation with another female friend – about how stupid I’ve been destroying my career and how she’s told her partner he will have to work and not stay at home with the kids as he can earn more than her being male.

I told her to take the system on but she wasn’t having any of it – I do not consider my choice stupid and I would go through all that hell again – even knowing the out come for me. If my health had been even moderatly ok then I would be finishing my Masters course but they didn’t and I am living with the consequences but that does not affect my initial desion to have a family.

Why should I have to choose?

More to the point why to people act like I have two heads when I say that it is the King who wants to be the homemaker – he loves cooking, he loves the house work, he hates the stress of being in the ‘bread winner’. He’s great with kids would make a great house husband – I on the other hand make a pretty poor housewife.

Of course I do not see why either of us should have to give up our careers to have a family – but unfortunatly even with the steady increase of automation in every area of our lives we seem to still need to work longer hours than anyone else in – erm at least Europe!

Domestic arrangements should be between the people in the relationship – if you want to be a housewife fine, if you want a career fine, if you want to be a house husband fine, if you both want careers or both want to be at home – comprimise. Obviously single perants do have a problem as in they have no one to compromise with – their life is hard work – and scary – imagine being ill and a single perant? Not nice not pleasant – so don’t start on them please.

Now for me and the King the ideal would be for both of us to work three days a week – a different three days – this would be perfect but our society is still not lexable enough for this – it is getting there though. the second choice would be me working and him at home – unfortuantly I am ill and he can earn more money than me.

He can earn more money than me mainly becuase he is older than me and was already on the career path when we met – I was/am a student.

Friends telling me they will not allow their partner to stay at hime but expect to be allowed to stay at home annoys me on so many levels. This is not equality – I’m sorry girls but its not.

Having said this I also have female friends who find themselves doing everything, they are expected to work, look after the kids and keep the house tidy – they are in the minority and they are not coping well (well one of them is) – this too is not equality – all they’ve ended up with is another job ontop of the housework and kids.

I want to bash everyones heads together.