You are currently browsing the Vampyra – Queen of the Goths weblog archives for the day Sunday, April 29th, 2007.

29 April 2007

The Bloom of Dispair

I have failed in my obession of this blog – My Dear Mortals I have not blogged each day. I have allowed white bits to appear in the calender at the side and for this I am deeply saddened.

Things have been stupid again, The King Working double hours, at least, each day and me struggling with the Lady and yet another medicial issue of which I await the outcome of. More doctors and tests and the fears crash down on me yet again.

This isn’t even the same old, same old, anymore but something completely new – brilliant. The anger and fear over the duffness of my body grows.

The hemmed-in feeling as I am told that I am not doing enough work around the place, reguardless of the fact that I have had to do the Kings Slave Labour for him so that he can work. This too manual labour for me is the culprit for the current medicial situation and I am not happy.

I have had no time to think, no time to relax, no time to even do my physio properlly and hence I am reaping the pain and the low productivity of a set back (this is pain management terminology when a flare up lasts more than three days).

Nightmares again stalk me in the Dream Time and the never fully grounded feeling has swept me up and I am floating and drifting the world is sinking into grey.

Our finacial situation is yet again stuggling against us, clients pay late and we are screwed, and what is more I worked it all out and our base of domestic expenses is high, over £1500 a month and that is just rent, councel tax and the amnities, no food, no nursery, no talking therapy, no loans or credit card repayments – shit. The fact that we have to pay for the poxy gardener is not helping nor the fact that the Ancestor seems to expect us to pay for all the repairs to the place.

On top of that she has started asking people if we our caring for the Lady correctly becuase she’s not yet potty trained nor talking properlly – the Place of Small People which she goes to twice a week have been telling us how impressed they are with the Ladys developement.

The women has never had a child and has never looked after them infact the Lady is about the only one she likes and that was to her unexpected.

I am also in dispair as I know I could get us the money we need if I just get the time to implement my creations but I have no time, no energy and I am struggling to be positive for the Kings sake as he is on the edge of this dispiar pit. We can not afford to both fall at the same time.

As for the blog I have discovered i can back date things and so I will – purely becuase this is mine and I want it in a specific order and it is the first time I’ve ever had such complete control and I want every date red on the calender. Plus it’s not like I don’t have enough to writ about!

An unhealthy obsession? Maybe but it is one of the few I get to indulge and its a lot healthier than other things I could be doing.