You are currently browsing the Vampyra – Queen of the Goths weblog archives for the day Monday, July 9th, 2007.

9 July 2007

The Secret

I’ve been keeping a secret from the King for weeks and it was starting to really get to me and I couldn’t stand it then today when he picked me up in our chariot he asks, ‘Have you been to your appointment today?’

I say, ‘nope why?’ trying to sound like he should of know this was one of the weeks I’d not got one.

It didn’t work

‘When was the last time you did go?’ he asks quietly – I stare out of the window hoping the question and awkwardness will somehow dissappear.

Why haven’t I been going he wants to know – is it becuase she wanted to broach the topic of my sexual behavour and my attitudes to it? Well yes partly but not mainly – mainly becuase we don’t have the money and I knew he’d want to give his therapy up first before mine as his is a factor more expensive but I do not want him to do this so I kept quiet.

He said he’d suspected for weeks though and that I should have told him. I feared he would be hurt and angry, he says he’s not but I think he probably is :'(

There are two other reasons too – one is that it was heavily eating into my writing time and destroying the flow of narrative and secondly I was flaking becuase the walk there and back to the shops was too much.

I feel releived and shitty.