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20 July 2007

Of Mice and Men

Ok I’m not really sure if I will manage to actually write this with out cracking up or just stiring the subject far far away. Whilst my mother was going on and on about the Gremlin and his soo tragic death and all the rest of it – I was becoming more and more stressed by her continual mentioning of him and his qualities. I went for a walk with the King to carm down and discuss things with him.

Out of this discussion came a plastered over memory of what had desturbed me so much during my GCSE’s – the Gremlin was staying over every other weekend at least and was sleeping in my bed in my bedroom whilst I had to share a room with my brother – I had been given Of Mice and Men to read and I couldn’t help but have the feeling of skin crawling.

I fallowed the story with a sick fascination watching half the fears I had of the Gremlin come to fruition in the murder of Curlys wife and the relief I felt and the cast iron feeling that Goerge had done the right thing in his heart breaking killing of Lenny at the end.

From the way the little pet mice were killed by over zelost strocking to Curlys wife – there were my fears laid bare. The Gremlin was stronge and clumsy and had been brought up being allowed to get away with everything becuase he didn’t understand so it wasn’t his fault – he had no concept of boundaries or responsibilitys.

This would possibly been ok if he was of say a younger childs interllect but he wasn’t at the time he had the mental age of a thirteen year old which to me is pretty old and should have understood what was right and what was wronge. But it was my fualt apparently – all my fualt – I confussed him by telling him I loved him and kissing him on the cheek – I was eight years old and trying to show people how much I cared about them but it was thrown back at me with devastating effects.

What the Gremlin did in itself wasn’t that bad but I was informed that it was my fualt and then told not to tell anyone including my own father by my mother. The termoil and confussion this cuased were horrendous and I was already living with the guilt of being evil, a guilt laid down upon my shoulders by the Tormentor.

I’m not really sure once again where I am going with this stuff and I can not bear to write anymore about it.

Sorry for droning on once more dear Mortals.