April 19th, 2009

Jelousy Over Something So Small?

My dear mortals I have been partaking in what I suppose would be called cybersex and I have been doing this with two male friends – one I went to college with and one I have only ever known through the medium of the internet though he has met the King.

Sometimes I have both channels open at once and love bringing them to climax by just saying stuff to them – by typing out what I want them to do to me or me do to them. But I hurt Danish boy today. It never occured to me that he might think of this as an us thing – that he would be jelous if I did it with other people.

I thought I had mentioned the other guy before but the more I explained about it the shorter his responses became. He then asked me to delete the logs of our discussions. This was on the back of him asking me not to tell the girl he’s trying to suduce that we have these ‘sex chats’.

This hurt me slightly as I felt that it should have been obvious that I wouldn’t blurt it out to her and then I started thinking about it and about the fact he disappears sometimes and doesn’t talk to me for an age – I’m pretty sure these corrasponde with when he has a girlfriend.

I understand that it would be a bit off to have our sexual talk whilst he is in a relationship as some may see that as inferdelity but it would be nice to still be seen as a friend.

So now I am wondering about the emotions behind what seemed to be an emotionless piece of fun at the begining – it would appear that all those nasty complex emotions that surround sex within our culture are spilling out into the regions of cyber space – this makes me sad slightly.

I want to explore my sexual nature but if I risk hurting people I’m not sure I can ethically.

April 18th, 2009

Lightning Pain

Lightening pain a jagged edge Blossom bloomed Taste of death

Fear crawling mind fired lost in dreaming needing breath

Aching crime thought growing decaying birth fear of unknown

April 17th, 2009

Tears Fall

Blood pounds within my ears These thoughts again They come to bear Within me and without The pain that washes away All thoughts of pleasure and of love Me alone again Lost forlorn Tired to the edge of being Wishing he was somehow Here

April 16th, 2009

The Issue of Rape

I found a blog post about a rape story line in the Bill. I constructed a response to it which I felt turned into sort of a blog post itself here it is:

I didn’t see the episode but rape is a tricky subject made more so by girls being made to feel guilty about their own sexual desires meaning that that there are girls who put themselves in the path of danger. This can be seen as the girls consenting it is not but in some areas of this country there are still enclaves were it is considered that a girl is basically going to loose her virginity by getting drunk and not being able to say no.

It is also considered by some to be ok to add something to the drink to relax her. This is disguesting and I thought I had blown it all out of proportions until I met someone esle at university who had grown up near me and he mentioned this as a fact. He didn’t agree with it either.

The emotions of sex are never really explained to teenagers and it all gets very confussed as what they kids read in teenage fiction gives them very warped views of what is going on. Sex turns into a truma for both sexes with the descent boys petrified that if they appear to be interested they will be seen as a sleeze and girls thinking simultaniously that they are ugly/fat as no boy has tried to touch them and that every male is about to drag them down an ally rape them and then stab them to death.

Dressing up is seen as a come on and not dressing up results in accusations of lesbianism – of course attitudes have hopefully changed on that front since I was at school.

Looking at your post – what the Bill would be implying is that if a girl is unable to say no they are concenting which really is well stupid.

I don’t know how situations like this would be best dewlt with. I have watched girls being ostracised becuase they did take things to court – and friends perants not allowing the friends to give evidence in court becuase they didn’t want it to mar their duaghters reputation etc…

Sorry just babbling now – I’d best go.